Simon will attempt to answer any questions as best he can. If you have any further questions please e-mail faq@simonandshaila.com

Where are you going on honeymoon?
None of your business.

Will I get to snog the chief bridesmaid?
Please visit our ebay site.

What will the weather be like?
British.

Can I bring my pets?
The only person who is allowed to bring pets is the caterer who is bringing his pet smoked salmon so we can use it for the starter.

What are this week's lottery numbers?
A randomly selected series of six integers between 1 and 49.

Do I have to wear a hat?
Only married women and competitive swimmers are required to wear a hat. After all - you wouldn't want to clog up the filters.

Will I get in wearing jeans and trainers?
If by 'in' you mean 'in hospital with a broken nose' then yes. Otherwise no.

Will class A drugs be available?
If you wish to purchase any kind of illegal substances under the noses of the number of Metropolitan Police officers present then that's entirely your decision.

How much does a pint of milk cost?
Good food costs less at Sainsburys.

Can I sit next to you in church?
Providing you are the bride then yes. Otherwise no.

Will towels be provided at the reception, because I sweat when I dance?
No, but there is a small but ornate hand basin as you exit the church. Use that.

Will the golf course be open during the night?
I hope the golf course will be open because I intend to attempt the tightest hole on my wedding night.

How much should I spend on your presents?
A month's salary (before deductions) is traditional.

What's the colour of Shaila's dress, I don’t want to get the same?
Tartan. Unless you're a Scottish clan leader duplication shouldn't be a problem.

Will Simon be wearing any underwear?
I will be borrowing a pair of Brazilian Action Pants™ and also wearing the Club Fastskin under my suit.

Any fit birds going?
Yes - many of the women attending have an above average level of physical fitness.

Any fit blokes going?
I can honestly say as a straight man who is engaged to be married, that Joe the website designer is gorgeous, loaded and has size 13 feet.