Barnet Copthall Masters Swimming Club - For All Your Adult Swimming Needs in North London and Beyond - Plus jokes, abuse and general chlorine-based hilarity

Beaver

Noun
1. A large aquatic rodent of the genus Castor, having thick brown fur, webbed hind feet, a broad flat tail, and sharp incisors adapted for gnawing bark, felling trees, and constructing dams and underwater lodges.
2. The fur of this rodent.
3. A top hat originally made of the under fur of this rodent.
4. A napped wool fabric, similar to felt, used for outer garments.
5. A piece of armour attached to a helmet or breastplate to protect the mouth and chin.
6. The visor on a helmet.
7. The female genitals.
8. A woman or girl.
9. A member of the Barnet Copthall Masters Swimming Club

Adjective
1. Of or relating to a beaver or beavers: beaver fur; a beaver hat.
2. Constructed by beavers: beaver dams.

Verb
1. To work diligently and energetically.

The masters squad at Barnet Copthall, affectionately known as The Beavers, is one of the largest and most successful of its type in Europe with a number of national, European and World record holders and champions amongst its members.

The masters section of the club was first formed in 1985 and is based at Barnet Copthall Leisure Centre in Hendon, north London. Over 80 registered members train in one of the two 25m pools with masters-only training sessions held five times a week. The club boasts two masters coaches and a dedicated support team including physios, masseurs, teachers, taxi drivers, genetic counsellors, supply chain consultants and a flooring supplier.

In addition to the training organised by the club, Barnet Copthall are also the only masters club in the UK to hold three separate competitions each year. These events allow those taking part to compete over the full range of the distances from 50m to 1500m.

Here's what it says in the brochure that we stole from the pool many years ago:

The Masters programme consists of competent [That's a matter of opinion] adult [So's that!] swimmers aged from about 25 years of age and older. [But if you're fit we'll take you from 19 upwards - interpret that as you will]

There is no upper age limit but swimmers must be able to swim well on at least three different strokes. [Many struggle with three unless you count sculling and / or doggy paddle] Initially, speed is not paramount but the aim of the group is to develop a competitively minded group of swimmers by way of structured professional coaching. [We have a coach?!?!]

Swimmers are organised into lanes by ability rather than age or sex. There are opportunities to learn new water skills with a view to competitive stroke improvement, starts, turns and drills. Additional specific training is available for regular competitors. There is no minimum number of sessions [Just as well too] but obviously, regular attendance will lead to improved fitness, endurance and speed.

Our competitive swimmers are among the best in the country with a number of National record holders and International medallists in the team. They are encouraged to take part at Masters competitions some hosted by BCSC as well as other Open Meets, District, National and International competitions. The atmosphere is friendly and inclusive. [But only if we like the look of you]

All are very welcome to come and try the sessions on a one-month free trial. [And it is a trial]

Our main training sessions take place at the following times:

Tuesday	8.30pm - 9.30pm
Tuesday	9.30pm - 10.30pm
Thursday	9.00pm - 10.30pm
Saturday	7.45am - 9.00am
Sunday	4.30pm - 6.00pm

The option is open to attend both Tuesday sessions - but nobody ever bothers.
We also hold an additional training session for hardcore masters competitors at the following time:

Monday

9.00pm - 10.30pm

At each given training session those taking part are split into lanes based on how far they wish to swim and at what speed. Typically an average session will involve swimming between 2,500m and 6,000m (100 to 240 lengths) depending on which lane you swim in and whether or not Ian is having one of his turns.

Barnet Copthall Masters Swimming Club is always on the lookout for new members to join the merry band of men and women. The best time for new members to come along is on a Tuesday at 8.30pm, although any masters session should be fine.

Simply turn up at the pool and tell the receptionists that you are here for the masters trial. They will tell you where to go - in one sense or the other. All new members can benefit from a month's free trial.

There are a few pointers you may wish to take into consideration before attending your first session:

Don't	Be nervous or embarrassed - nearly 20% of the members are friendly
Do	Bring your own goggles - there are more enjoyable ways to go blind
Do	Tell one of the coaches that it is your first session - although they may be able to tell
Do	Wear a swimming hat if you have anything other than short hair
Don't	Wear a swimming hat with any sort of strap - ever
Do	Ask which lane would be best for you to swim in - it may not be obvious
Don't	Turn up wearing a bikini and / or shorts - unless you actually are a pole dancer
Don't	Turn up wearing a Fastskin or any other type of bodysuit - unless you actually are Michael Phelps
Do	Get out of the pool when you need to go to the toilet
Don't	Worry about the number of public swimmers who have not done the above
Don't	Eat a huge meal just before you come training - unless it is spaghetti bolognaise of course
Do	Shower afterwards - or you will itch, and not in a good way
Don't	Think your toupee will stay on - it will not
Do	Be aware of the other swimmers in your lane - pay particular attention to which way round they swim
Don't	Burn off like a lunatic in the warm-up and then die on your arse in the main set
Don't	Be tempted to wear white swimming trunks or a white swimming costume - they will go see through
Don't	Give up after the first session - it will get easier after 18 months or so
Do	Keep coming back

For further information e-mail Ian 'Wellard' Woollard, the masters coach at Barnet Copthall.

There are a number of different membership options available to members.

Standard Membership - £37.15 a month
Do you want to train seriously with the option of competiting in competitions? Then Standard Membership is for you. This is the most common type of membership at Barnet Copthall masters and entitles members to train for up to 31 hours of masters sessions a month. If that were not exciting enough, the price also includes annual ASA registration.

Virtual Membership - £15.00 a month
Do you want to impress friends and work colleagues with your sporting prowess, but without the tiresome effort of actual physical exertion? Then Virtual Membership could be for you. Although you will not actually be entitled to swim, you will be provided with a personalised, laminated membership card to oh-so-casually show people at dinner parties. For an additional fee your picture will also be added to the Squad page on UptheBeavers for increased kudos.

Senior Citizen Membership - £35.90 a month
Barnet Copthall Swimming Club and GLL both value the important role senior citizens play in modern society. It is also widely acknowledged that a lifelong commitment to physical exercise can reduce the burden on limited local health resources. In recognition of this the club offers a generous discount on the Standard Membership rate for those aged over 60.

All fees are payable by Direct Debit on a monthly basis.