Medals and Records Galore as Beavers Thunder Down Under


Reynolds: Ecstatic
Barnet Copthall Masters have again shown themselves to be a force in world swimming with their performances at the XII FINA World Masters Championships in Perth, Australia.
The small but well-travelled team produced swim after swim of world class quality. Georgie 'Relaxed' Hamilton lead the way with gold and a British record in the 100m follwed by another gold in 200m fly plus a further silver and bronze. Resplendent in his LZR Racer, 'Chairman' Mark Reynolds won two silvers and two bronze medals in the 50m, 100m, 200m and 400m freestyle, setting four British records in the process. Thanks to an administrative error John 'Fan Favourite' Rittenhouse was entered in every single event but still managed to smash his personal best in a 400m freestyle that drew the international crowd at Challenge Stadum to their feet. Copthall Coach Emma 'Hair Gel' Harvey won silver in the solo synchronised swimming event after joining up with Mark Reynolds, Sachika Yamawaki and Joe Twyman 'of Arabia' to win bronze in the 4 x 50m mixed freestyle relay, becoming the only person in the whole competition to win medals in both swimming and synchro events.
Overall the team won ten medals and achieved 24 top ten finishes. They can now look forward to the Europeans in Cadiz next year followed by the next Worlds scheduled to take place in Gothenberg, Sweden, in 2010.
Watch a slideshow of images of Barnet Copthall at the competition exclusively via UptheBeavers Television

World Record Number of World Records at Worlds a Record


Manchester: United
A record 18 world records were set during the five days of competition at the World Short Course Championships in the Duncan Goodhew Pool at the MEN Arena in Manchester.
The championships were the most significant swimming event ever to take place in the UK and the British team took full advantage of the significant home support in attendance. Continuing their excellent level of performance from the Olympic trials, British swimmers picked up three gold, ten silver and eleven bronze medals to finish fifth in the medal table.
American Ryan Lochte and Zimbabwe's Kirsty Coventry were selected as swimmers of the championships thanks to their world record destroying swims.

Boycott 'Definitely' On For Olympic Games


Boycott: Responding

Amidst much controversy Geoffrey Boycott has confirmed he will attend the Beijing Olympics.
The Professional Yorkshireman™ and former England creekiter said that he had given the matter extensive thought but had decided, on balance, that he will 'definitely' be attending.
Recent anti-Chinese protests in London, Paris and San Francisco had lead many to suggest Boycott should reconsider. Responding to the criticism Boycott insisted in an official statement that he 'very much liked Tibet' before adding 'particularly at the Grand National'.
Boycott's role is, as yet, undefined but is likely to include a thorough examination of the playing surface and extensive use of his key which would be 'stuck in here, here and here.'

Olympic Trials Produce British Team of 35 for Beijing


Burnett: Shock
After five days of record breaking performances the British Championships an impressive 35 swimmers booked their place on the British team for this summer's Beijing Olympics.
During the seven day event numerous British, European and even one Word record fell.
The highlight of the competition came from Liam Tancock who set a new world record in the 50m backstroke - the first long course world best time set by a British swimmer in 18 years.
However, for some expecting to book their place, the trials proved to be just that. High profile figures who missed out on individual events included triple British freestyle record holder Simon 'Burnt It' Burnett and chronologically challenged Mel 'Punctuality' Marshall.

Mark Foster Qualifies for the Olympics (Again)


Foster: Eternal Youth

Mark Foster has yet again shown that age is no barrier to success by qualifying for the Beijing Olympics this summer in his favourite (and indeed only) event: the 50m freestyle.
Foster, 143, achieved the required qualifying time in the heats of the British Championships at Ponds Forge and then finished first, ahead of young pretender Simon Burnett, in the final.
The result comes four years after many felt The Veteran's Veteran was unjustly denied a place at the Athens Olympics by the selection criteria set by Bill 'El Sweeto' Sweetenham.
The Bath Barnet Copthall Cambridge Chelsea and Kensingston swimmer, and friend of UptheBeavers, will now head off to the World Short Course Championships in Manchester, presumably to get some much needed pool time in ahead of his final final hurrah which begins on 14th August.

End to Writers Strike Brings No Relief for UptheBeavers

UptheBeavers writers: Lazy
The recent conclusion of the Hollywood writers strike has brought little relief to UptheBeavers who are still without a supply of material due to problems of their own.
Most visitors to the website had incorrectly assumed that UptheBeavers employed a large team of top Hollywood comedy writers to produce the endless, groundbreaking content.
Instead the site is actually written by a team of child workers hired directly from Triad gang masters in Taiwan, the vast majority of whom are still on strike as part of a long running industrial dispute over pay, working hours, pension provision and the frequency of beatings.
‘Output may continue to be affected for some months to come and I can only apologise.’ said editor of UptheBeavers Ivor Skrewkyk, ‘Of course it doesn’t help that Brian Blessed won’t cross a picket line!