The annual Barnet Copthall Masters Christmas Party and Awards Ceremony took place on the 14th December and included the usual mix of drunken fun, impossibly difficult 'games' and questionable dancing.
The event traditionally marks the end of both the swimming season and usually a few (previously strong) friendships.
However, this year the occasion passed without major incident, libel actions or serious physical altercation.
In the all-important awards ceremony many leading Beavers were recognised for their efforts in and out of the pool with Bernie Wilkins, Simon Marsden and Becky Hartley picking up the major awards.

Barnet Copthall ended the year on a high with another well-deserved competition victory for the team.
The Beavers picked up Top Visiting Team at the City of Milton Keynes Open hosted by the City of Milton Keynes Swimming Club in the town of Milton Keynes.
The team's score was only just behind that of the host team - leaving clear room for improvement next year according to Chief Executive Officer, Becky Hartley.
Hartley added that she was delighted that her prediction of winning by a 'country mile' came to fruition.
Sadly she was unable to confirm how many gala points there are in a 'country mile'.

After months of 'swimming down' it was time for the Beavers' annual migration to Sheffield for the ASA National Masters Championships 2002.
The weekend saw a series of strong performances from Barnet Copthall in both individual and team events, including a new British Record for the Men's 120+ Medley Relay Team.
The A-Team of Joe Twyman (back), Matt Robinson (breast), Duncan Hartley (fly) and Chris Proctor (free) stormed to victory in a time of 1:52.12.

Three prominent Beavers last night refused to elaborate on revelations that they all shared the same bed while attending The Nationals.
Sources suggest the trio, who cannot be named for legal reasons, embarked on their 'experimental' behaviour while staying at a house in Dronfield, near Sheffield.
When quizzed further about the sleeping arrangements, the group's spokesman protested their innocence. He insisted that, when not swimming, they had simply spent their time 'watching Dawson's Creek'.
Ian Woollard is said to be 'very interested' in hearing the full details. '

A series of specially designed t-shirts have been launched by UptheBeavers.com to coincide with the ASA National Masters Championship and, purely by chance, Christmas.
The navy blue t-shirts are available in a range of sizes and styles for the bargain price of £14.99 (including P&P).
Send an e-mail to tshirt.offer@upthebeavers.com for more information.
Sweat pants, baseball caps, tracksuits, maternity dresses and thongs will all be launching next season.

UpTheBeavers has received this e-mail from Talkback Productions looking for contestants for a new television dating show.
'We're looking for single men and women aged between 21-35 years of age who'd like to take part and find the partner of their dreams and we've tried the internet to find some sporty types who would suit our show and we thought we'd get in touch with the Barnet Copthall Swimming Club' they said - without the slightest hint of sarcasm, irony or sentence punctuation.
Those interested should have a look at this attached advert.
Last night Jayne Ball was said to be 'devastated' upon hearing news of the age restriction.

Matt and Lisa Robinson are said to be 'happy' after a strong performance at the birth of their daughter Lauren Mia (8lb 2oz).
The baby was delivered in a personal best time of 6:14:56.04. This eclipsed the previous club record set earlier in the year by Chris and Claire Proctor.
Despite the sturdy showing, Matt announced that his wife's technique was not yet perfect. 'The start was slow - we'll be wanting to improve on that' said Robinson.
The Proctors were said to 'unconcerned' by the loss of their record. The pair have resumed training in preperation for a challenge in early 2003.

John 'The Jeffster' Jeffery chose the Southern Counties Short Course Championships to confirm his retirement and announce that he will no longer be working successive 27 hour days in the run up to competitions.
He decided to accept the thanks of those present, despite the fact that the appreciation had clearly been sent after the deadline and without an accompanying cheque.
The Jeffster has been been the face of, not to mention the organiser of, Southern Counties Masters swimming for the last five years. Non-stop. Many swimmers owe him a large debt of
gratitude and in some cases simply large debt - due to unpaid entrance fees.
UptheBeavers.com were exclusively told that he hopes to cut down the hours he works by becoming a 'junior doctor with a paper round'.

Organisers at the Barnet Sprint Meet were said to be 'pleasantly surprised' with the success of new swimming techniques on display at the gala.
Particularly popular was the first appearance, in a British competition, of the Top Bombing start. The feet-first dive was executed with text-book precision.
Less well performed was the new, but controversial, Water Polo relay takeover. Despite the third leg swimmer successfully entering the neighbouring lane, she was unable to prevent her opponent from touching the pads. This was due, in part, to use of the Swift Punch to the Kidneys finishing procedure by the obstructed swimmer.

The Amateur Swimming Association today vehemently defended its decision to increase the cost of events at next year's national short course and long course masters competitions.
From next year, entry into individual events will cost £500 exclusive of insurance, VAT, Stamp Duty and Window Tax. Relay entries will also rise to equal the GDP of a yet unnamed
developing nation and teams failing to compete in relays after entering will be charged three first born sons.
A spokesperson for the ASA told UptheBeavers to 'Bugger off'.

'I'm in preparation for the nationals' surged to a surprise victory at this year's Barnet Sprint Meet. In a closely fought race, it ousted last year's winner and favourite, 'I've just got back from holiday', to become the leading excuse of the competition. The two then joined forces as part of a formidable relay team with 'I'm not shaved down' and 'It's a lot to swim in one afternoon'.
The four now hope to go on to compete at, ironically, the nationals where they will face stiff competition from the 'It's the wrong time of the year' / 'I've never liked Sheffield' / 'It was a long journey up here' / 'I won't swim on the Sabbath' team.

Reports are reaching us of a terrorist attack launched, without warning, on the Beavers. Details remain sketchy, but it is believed up to a dozen swimmers have been affected by
the biological attack.
Swimmers first fell victim to the attack after a barbecue, though it was not 'something they ate' - definitely not! However, an expert in science stuff, who asked not to be identified, told UptheBeavers.com 'That's food poisining all right, or my name's not Lisa Dawson!'
The al-Qa'eda terror network are prime suspects, although Spencer Swim Team have not yet been eliminated from enquiries.
A club spokesman announced that Barnet were unconcerned by the impact this will have on the team. 'Bernie, Joe and Lawrence are all okay, so it doesn't really matter' he said.

Five-time Olympic Champion, Johnny Weissmuller has made a dramatic comeback from retirement to compete in the Barnet Sprints.
Organisers were said to be 'surprised' upon receiving an entry from the former Tarzan star. Weissmuller has opted to race in the 50m and 100m Freestyle and will be competing in the P age group.
Despite being the first person to swim under one minute for 100m freestyle, his performances are said to have'deteriorated' in the last forty years.
This decline was said to be 'particularly pronounced' after his death in 1984.

Barnet Swimmers Becky Hartley and Joe Twyman are said to be 'stable' in hospital after completing the entire warm-up in training on Thursday.
In an unprovoked move, the two arrived early and began swimming before anyone else had entered the water. Friends described their behaviour as being 'completely out of character'.
The alarm was raised when Mr. Twyman set a personal best of 2:06.45 for 50m breaststroke during the latter stages of their excursions. An ambulance was called and the two were safely dragged from the water, dangerously exhausted and close to tears.
Senior Squad Coach Rhys Gormley said 'Of course all our thoughts and prayers are with . . . erm . . . Sorry who was it again?'

There was widespread relief on Monday with the news that the occupation of Lane 2 had ended peacefully.
Forces from Lane 1 agreed to withdraw to pre-Tuesday Training borders after lengthy peace talks with negotiators from Lane 3.
However, tensions remained high when Lane 1, who for some time have refused to acknowledge the rights of Lane 2, rejected a call for co-existence.
Those from Lane 2, proud of their status, promised to repel any future invasion attempts and vowed to never again flee to refugee status in Lane 3.

Masters swimmers across the world have reacted angrily to the news that FINA plans to adjust its Butterfly Technical Rules.
Although there was measured acceptance of the move to outlaw breaststroke kick, universal outrage met the decision to ban the much-used Independent-Arm / Split-Kick Technique.
'I won't be swimming butterfly again' said one disgruntled swimmer from Barnet Copthall.

Barnet Copthall Masters greeted with confusion Coach Ian Woollard's publication of his Definitive Main Set Equation.
As Woollard wrote on the whiteboard next to the pool he announced it was 'probably guaranteed' to produce the optimum set (L) for a swimmer (S) with a pulse rate of p who uses paddles of size y and swims 100m IM in t.
One swimmer is reported to have described it as 'deeply flawed and unworkable' while critics were less kind.
A second swimmer opted simply to brand it 'shit'.

Ageing action star and occasional wrestler, Mr T has taken the bold decision to enter the Barnet Sprints this year.
T, F age group, is most famous for his stereotype-destroying portrayal of the dangerously aggressive, gun-carrying black guy BA Baracus in the 1980s TV Show The A-Team.
At a press conference to announce his entry, T confidently proclaimed that he 'pitied the fool' who took him on in the 100m breaststroke.
It is understood that, for safety reasons, Mr T intends to remove the majority of his ubiquitous gold jewellery before competing.