Trickett and Sullivan Set New World 50 Free Records


That's the Trickett
The fastest male and female swimmers on the planet are both from Australia after the hotly anticipated Australian Olympic Swimming Trials produced half a dozen new world records.
First up was 22 year-old Eamon Sullivan who broke the previous record of Alain Bernard in the semi final and again in the final, finishing his championship winning swim in 21.28. The new record was 0.12 seconds ahead of the Frenchman’s time from just five days eariler.
The following day newcomer Libby Trickett, a previously unknown Australian who bears a striking resemblance to freestyler Libby Lenton, completed the distance in a time of 23.97 adding that to the 100m freestyle world record she set two days earlier.

Three World Free Records in Three Days for Bernard at Euros

Bernard: Freestyle King
French sprint freestyle sensation Alain Bernard was the star of the European Championships in Eindhoven, setting three world records in the space of just three days.
The 24 year-old set new world records in both the semi finals and finals of the 100m freestyle before completing his hattrick of records with a time of 21.50 in the 50m freestyle.
A new 50m world record was also set in the women’s event where 28 year-old Marleen Veldhuis from the Netherlands beat her compatriot Inge de Bruijn’s time from back in 2000.
Immediately following their sucess the two swimmers are reported to have issued a joint statement saying they hoped their new 50m records would last for many years to come.

Top Secret Australian Training Methods Cause Controversy


Williams: Not impressed

The training methods employed by Australia have once again come in for criticism after reports emerged of demanding swimming training off the coast of New South Wales.
Michael Williams, 39, was forced to swim in shark-infested waters for over 12 hours off the coast. Eye witnesses reported that by the end of the training set Williams had ‘pretty bad cuts and bruises to his legs and his arms, he was pretty exhausted, pretty badly sun burnt’.
‘I've got determination like no other person.’ said another of the men involved in the brutal training regime which comes just over a year after a similar incident. On that occasion Australia was criticised for using a crocodile in a swimming pool for training purposes.
'There is clearly no place for 12 hour swims in sport training' said Australia's Federal Sports Minister Rod Kemp in response.

Chinese Food to be Taken Away from US Olympians

Hom: Not impressed
It has been announced that the whole of the United States Olympic team will be taking their own food supplies and cooking their own meals at this summer’s Olympic Games in Beijing.
The US, responsible for popularising such culinary successes as the hamburger, the corndog, the Twinkie and candied yams, is said to be concerned that levels of hormones in some Chinese food are so high that innocent competitors actually risk testing positive for steroids.
China, responsible for popularising such culinary successes as number 12 (crispy aromatic duck), number 36 (house chow mien) and number 41 (Set Menu B), have insisted the food served at the upcoming Olympics will not just meet, but exceed international standards.
The US Olympic Team head chef, Ronald MacDonald, said that whilst he had ‘no objection to Chinese food per se’ he shared the concerns of US officials that team members would ‘want to eat it all again twenty minutes later’.

Speedo Announces Launch of Emperor's New Swimsuit


British Swimming: Threesome
Leading swimwear brand Speedo has launched a new range of elite swimming costumes.
The high-profile launch comes less than twelve months after leading swimwear brand Speedo launched a new range of elite swimming costumes. In a complete surprise the new range of elite swimming costumes, named LZR RACER, have been described by Speedo as 'the fastest swimsuit it has ever made'. The design was produced in consultation with such diverse organisations as the American space agency NASA and the Japanese fashion house Comme des Garçons. Suits will be available in six different colours: darkness, midnight, tar, pitch, minstrel and black. Only Australia and the US will be allowed customised colours.
American Michael Phelps worryingly described new suit as feeling 'like a spacesuit'. In contrast Australian Libby Lenton showed off her ample physics knowledge by saying wearing her costume felt like 'swimming downhill'.
The new suits are available to pre-order now with prices starting at a side-splittingly hilarious £140 for men's jammers, rising as high as a diarrhoea-inducingly traumatic £320 for full bodysuits.

Dwain Chambers 'Will Not Be Selected' for World Champs


Chambers: Odd shaped ball
After the recent widespread coverage surrounding Dwain Chambers, British Swimming has pre-empted any possible controversy by announcing its decision regarding the situation.
The Amateur Swimming Association has confirmed that the 29 year-old will not be selected for the World Short Course Swimming championships taking place in Manchester this April.
The sprinter has become a virtual pariah since returning to top-class competition at the start of February. Chambers' re-emergence came after a two year drugs ban followed by a period spent pursuing a career in American football. However, his recent victory at the British Trials in Sheffield has placed him firmly back in contention for a place on the British Olympic team.
So far neither Chambers nor his representatives have made any comment on British Swimming's selection snub.

Diamond Geezer Rittenhouse Sets New British Record

Rittenhouse: Starting well
Barnet Copthall's John Rittenhouse has begun 2008 with a British Record in the 200m backstroke at the London and South East Regions Long Course Masters Competition.
The backstroke and distance specialist, joint inventor of the Rittenhouse-Twyman Medley®, was part of a small team to travel down the frog and toad to the K2 Centre in Crawley. At such an early stage in the season few could Adam and Eve it when they took a butcher's hook at the results board at the end of Rittenhouse's race to see a time of 2:31.10.
The result further vindicates the 49 year-old's decision to travel with his trouble and strife and saucepan lids to Australia in April to compete in the World Masters Championships.
'Core blimey Guvnor! Gawd save the Queen.’ said the native New Yorker via the dog and bone after his race.

Entire Olympic Swimming Pool Stolen in 'Splash and Dash' Raid


Soprano: Chief suspect
Audacious criminals have successfully stolen an Olympic swimming pool worth £250,000.
The 50m x 30m stainless steel pool was stolen from storage trailers in American state of New Jersey. The pool's owners, Blue Streak Aquatic Swimming Club, had intended it to be used for Olympic time trials but they are now left having to make alternative arrangements.
Members of the public have been asked to be on the lookout for anyone approaching them in clubs and bars offering to sell them a very large swimming pool at an unusually low cost.
Police are said to be looking for a gang of criminals, with Deputy Police Chief Philip DiNicola telling reporters that the local police often receive reports of large amounts metal, including copper and aluminium, being stolen and sold for scrap. He was less forthcoming about the risk of copycat crimes.

Hollyoaks Girl Becomes New Face (and Body) of Swimathon

Roxanne: Swimming
In a largely unexpected move, Roxanne McKee has been chosen to promote the 2008 Swimathon, taking place from 17th - 20th April in aid of Marie Curie Cancer Care.
The 25 year-old politics graduate has not previously been known for her close involvement with swimming but is instead most ‘famous’ for her role in Channel 4’s hard hitting, gritty documentary Hollyoaks. She is also the FHM Magazine's 42nd sexiest woman in the world.
In defending the surprise appointment a spokesperson for Swimathon said ‘We feel that Roxanne represents the key ambitions of the Swimathon and we certainly did not choose her just so that we could get a load of alluring pictures leading to a pick up from The Sun.’
The spokesperson added that, contrary to some initial reports, Roxanne would not need to ‘put on the red light’.